Skin Deep
by starrynight89
Summary: Pansy Parkinson hated Harry Potter. She was a Slytherin, he was a Gryffindor, every aspect of their personalities screamed animosity....Right? A dark, angst story about Pansy's infatuation with Draco Malfoy and how it consumes her life.


**Prologue**

The touch of the cold metal on my hot skin sent shivers down my spine. I brought the shiny trinket to eye level and wondered how something so tiny could eradicate all of my frustration. Flashes of Draco's hurtful words blazing fresh in my memory; I needed to escape. Tears didn't bring relief but only deepened the agony and after staring at the small piece of metal between my fingers; I knew it was the only way.

I paused, a momentary lapse of weakness, but quickly recovered and pierced the blade through my skin. Ignoring the pain was a daunting task but I was in no mood to forfeit, not this time. My skin tore open and its precious contents escaped onto the clear marble floor. I clamped my eyes shut before delving it deeper into my wrist. Pressing my lips together to prevent from screaming I felt the warm blood trickle down my hands, but regardless of the pain that was now spreading to every part of my body, I surged forward.

Weakness started to replace my determination and I was just about to retreat when the torment suddenly transited into a sense of euphoria. The serenity flooded my brain eradicating every ounce of pain I had felt only moments before. A wave of repose I've been craving since I ever stepped foot into this damn school left me feeling disturbingly peaceful. Closing my eyes, I stopped thinking and melted into this blissful moment. The corner of my lips curved into a smile before I felt the cool marble floor beneath me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed my escape and noticed a small pool of blood spreading across the spotless, white marble floor. The blood seeped through the miniature cracks on the floor like the tributaries of a river.

Tainted.

With the last ounce of strength I grabbed the small chain around my neck and pulled it off and threw it across the floor before rolling over onto my back. Whether it was from the loss of blood or the aberrancy of the situation, I wasn't sure but I started laughing. I was happy that I ruined the perfectly spotless white marble floor. Happy that I threw the stupid chain Draco gave me last year. Happy. I was happy that I was...dying. My laughter slowly died down as the room started losing light.

Am I dying?

Reality, along with the pungent smell of blood, hit me like a freight train and I felt nauseas. After countless failed attempts, I, Pansy Parkinson have finally succeeded. Unable to decide whether I was regretting my decision or embracing it, I brought the bloody blade near my hand to end the confusion but before I could act, the door burst open and the last person I wished to see stood before me. The last thing I remember were those eyes, those remorseful, cold eyes which echoed regret.

It was like a dream; a dream that I had no intention of ending but fully realized the choice wasn't in my hands. Waking up from a blissful dream to a daunting reality was like reaching heaven but being dragged back to hell. My eyes fluttered open and noticed the familiar surroundings and shut them again, hoping it would all just go away. I heard voices but made no attempt to listen.

The senseless mutterings continued while I started fabricating a lie to explain my actions. There would be many questions asked but sadly, to their dismay, I won't have any answers. I realized that waiting for some sort of miracle was insane so I slowly opened my eyes. The light made me dizzy; I squinted to see the figures standing nearby. One of them turned and walked towards the bed.

It was him, the person who had caused all of this. He intertwined his fingers with mine; I felt like pulling away but I would be lying to myself if I said I wanted him to let go. In a twisted way his comfort was what I needed the most but wasn't that I was running away from? But he doesn't care for me; this is all just an act in front of Pomphrey. In despite of acknowledging the reason for his false affection, his façade provided some form of inexplicable comfort and I hated myself for admitting it.

"Pansy," No, don't say my name like you care because if you did, I wouldn't be in this situation right now. "Why?"

Why? Hah! Oh all of the questions, you had to revert the blame back on me didn't you? I'm not surprised; we are dealing with Draco Malfoy here who never takes responsibility for his own actions. I wanted to grab something and knock some sense into him but sadly I couldn't move. Yet, the stagnant situation didn't bother me at all, I liked being still.

"Ms. Parkinson, I must say, that was a nasty fall," Pomphrey commented. Draco left my side and stood in the corner of them room with his arms folded.

Fall? Could a fall cause this? I tried to sit up but two hands pushed me back down. "No, not yet. You need to rest," With that she checked my wrist and fixed my dressing before leaving the room.

"Why?" his voice wasn't as soft as before and I could hear a sense of urgency in it. I didn't answer and turned away from him, he made me sick. Offended at my gesture, he took three quick strides and grabbed my arm. "Why did you do this?" His voice was shaking and his vice grip cut the blood circulation.

"I can't believe you're asking me this," I asked. Hearing my own voice felt like a new experience. Really, how long has it been since I heard myself talk? How long had I been silenced? Instead of further questioning my sanity, I turned my attention to him.

"Well believe it. Why did you do it Pansy?" he released my arm and tingle spread through it as the blood rushed to the blocked areas.

"Why do people try to kill themselves Draco," I spat. I touched a nerve because he backed away shaking with rage and trying with all his might not to resort to a verbal profanity.

Why?

I hated why questions. They force you to attach an explanation to everything which I don't have at the moment. Come to think of it, I don't think I'll ever have a reason for what I did; it was the straw that broke the camel's back scenario, I guess.

"If it's because of last night, then you're weak," he whispered. Draco was just so talented in making others feel worthless.

"Yes, I am weak," I looked up at the ceiling as newly formed tears blurred my vision.

I was in no mood of explaining it to him that it wasn't only about last night; it had to do a series of events since second year. The door closed and I caught a glimpse of his blonde before he disappeared into the hall. I wasn't surprised that he left. Whenever Draco felt insecure, animosity, weak, the only he dealt with it was to escape. We were alike in more ways than he would've liked which could be the reason why we started to date last year.

In the beginning, he showed me a side of himself that I never in my wildest dreams knew existed. But, like many relationships, the spontaneity died down and unlike many relationships, so did the affection. Soon after, a vicious cycle ensued, filled with verbal abuse followed by promising reconciliations.

Through it all, I lost myself wholly and my world revolved on being exactly what Draco wanted. Nothing in life mattered to me except his words, thoughts and opinions while mine were pushed to a corner until nothing was left. Pansy Parkinson didn't matter anymore and was reduced to a lifeless being, the sad part was I took part in this suicide.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't walk out only to hear the sickening truth echo through my head; I was unconditionally in love with Draco Malfoy and no one could change that, not even me.

_And i give it all away_

_Just to have somewhere to go to_

_Give it all away_

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_What do you guys think? So, Seducing Granger is definately on the back burner at the moment. I really like this and intend to follow through. I know Harry/Pansy isn't canon (ya think?) and it's impossible but. . . that's why it's fanfic. I'm not a fan of the canon ships anyway._

_Let me know what you guys think! :) Oh and I'll post the song that inspired each chapter aka the song I listened to while writing._

_My December--Linkin Park_

_Thanks, again._

_***starry**_


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